Being a Mom and a CEO
I started our business because I wanted to be able to provide for my family and still be able to spend time at home with my kids. When my kids were born (we have twins) my husband and I struck a deal. When the kids start school I go back to work. This sounded great when they were newborns and Kindergarten sounded like it was hundreds of years away!
The kids are now in First Grade and nothing prepared me for what life would be like juggling a growing business and a family. I am so happy that my business has grown into a full-time job and that I get to work from home but I struggle with finding a balance between the two. I also struggle a little with my identity as a mother and as a business owner.
A few days ago my son told me that his school offers an after school program. He also told me that he didn’t have to go to the after school program because I didn’t have a job and I could pick him up after school. My own child doesn’t think I have a job! I proceed to explain to him that I do work, and that my job is the website etc. etc. He didn’t seem to want to listen to me so finally I said, “I am the CEO of a very successful online business!” he replied by rolling his eyes and saying “Okay Mom, you have a job, I get it.”
I deal with this everyday. Not just from my children but also from my peers. Most people have no idea that I work from home, or that I own my own business. From the outside I look like a typical stay-at-home mom. I drop off and pick my kids up from school. I volunteer twice a week and I try to get to play dates when I can. What they don’t see is that I am typically up at 6am working while the family is still asleep. Most nights I stay up until 1 or 2am finishing up the days work. If I volunteer for an hour I have to find another hour to make up the work I missed while volunteering. Oh and let’s not even get started on the laundry, the shopping and making dinner (my nemesis!). Being a stay-at-home Mom is a full-time job in itself!
One of my biggest struggles with my business has been learning to balance my work with my life. Since my office is in my home, I am never really away from it. In the beginning I worked all the time and my kids helped me when they could (helping load boxes in the car to take to UPS, etc.). After watching them play store one day I realized that I was working too much.
Most kids want to play store and they have a register and they stock their “store” with their toys. My kids set up a store with items from my office, they made a box look like a computer and put it at a desk. They had a play phone and one pretended to call the other to “place an order”. There was no register, the one gave the other their credit card number (just a bunch of random numbers) and the other pretended to enter this in the “computer”. After they completed the sale they would run to me and announce that they just got an order. I sat there and the 'mommy guilt' set in. I knew that most 3 year olds didn't play store this way. It was at that point that I started working more when they were asleep.
I guess it’s good that my son doesn’t think I have a job. I changed my work habits to make him believe that I am just his mom, which is all he needs. I am not sure why I feel I need the recognition, maybe because it would help people understand why I say no to some play dates or activities, or why I am always tired.
I know that many of us E-Commerce business owners deal with this everyday and I would love to hear how you balance your business and your life!
This post is filed under By Merchants, For Merchants and has the following keyword tags: ecommerce.
13 Comments
yourtherapysource says:
I can completely relate. As a mother of 4 young children (ages 8-3) I too started an online business. As the business continues to grow, my "mommy guilt" kicks in when I always hear my youngest two asking "When you are done with your work will you play with us?" I try to keep it in perspective though - at least I am home working. I only work about 1 hour per day while they are awake so I think they know how to turn on my mommy guilt so that I do stop and play. Enjoyed reading your story. - Margaret, mother of 4, wife to one and CEO of www.YourTherapySource.com
cw1 says:
Hmmm... Sounds like some common life issues for Moms and Dads. There's no magic bullet here, but I'd 1.) get plugged into some local small biz or online business group...or even hunt out an "Advisor/Mentor" for business recognition and 2.) find ways to further outsource the menial/basics in your business. See Tim Ferriss's 4-Hour Work Week book for ideas (it's not all relevant, but this should help). Family/Work balance is always a challenge...
Leslie E West says:
Kara, thank you so much for this post. I own an online business in addition to holding a full-time job. My goal, of course, is to be able to run my business full-time and have the flexibility to raise a family and stay home with my kids. However I keep wondering if this is really possible!
I envision being able to balance mom and CEO duties, but am afraid the only way to pull it off is to put my kids to work, or as you mentioned, resign myself to the fact that I will be constantly tired and overworked!
I completely relate to the home/office problem. I now live with my fiance while my online store remains at my previous home. My younger brother currently pays the utilities and works for me while I try to figure out what to do next. Though it's nice not living in a paper store, I'm now driving back and forth and feel out of touch.
I know I can make this work; I want my own business and a family more than anything, it's just so difficult not knowing whether I'm helping or hurting myself in the long run.
Dan Lambert, MBA says:
Well, we can’t have it all, and being a work-at-home parent is more than a full-time job. In addition to the problems you mentioned, I have the stigma of being a stay-at-home dad. People seem to view being a stay-at-home mom as a wholesome family values based decision. People tend to look at stay-at-home dads as unemployed. I used to find a lot of acquaintances offering me leads on jobs. When I tried to explain to them that I was a writer working from home helping entrepreneurs with their Web content, they looked at me like I was in denial.
I started making it a habit of adding, “I was up all night working on a project for a client in Chicago” to my usual sigh of tiredness. This subtle message let people know that I was a work-at-home dad, not a stay-at-home dad.
My wife just went back to work after 4 months of maternity leave, and I’m really struggling with providing the full parenting experience and dedicating time to work. Being that my job is 90% creativity, I really need to be isolated from my kids when I’m working. Unfortunately, those undisturbed hours that I find are the ones where I’m pretty much wiped out at the end of the day. I tried getting up early to work while I’m fresh, but my son has some kind of sonar that alerts him to my picking my head up off the pillow and he is in my room seeking my attention before my feet hit the floor.
My current solution is to sneak off right after dinner, which makes parenting seem like shift work, but like I say, I guess we can’t have it all. I love being home for my kids all day, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
Regards,
Dan Lambert, MBA Freelance Copywriter BackupWriter.com
Wes Grasty says:
Sounds very familiar - my friends and family think I'm just a stay-at-home dad. I did the same thing - started working when the child is asleep. It's tough though. As cw1 suggested, you might try outsourcing some of it. There are affordable places out there. Regards, Wes Grasty, www.customer-e-service.com
smallventures says:
Hi Kara, I read your blog and was amazed, it was like I wrote it myself or someone wrote a blog about me! Our lives are so similar, I also started my business to provide for the family and to stay at home with my twin girls who just started Kindergarten last week. Like you, most people don't know that I work from home or own my own business and those that do, I feel, don't take me seriously, which is quite frustrating. I also stay up till 1:00 am working on my website and pay the price the next morning...I'm always tired! I'm so happy that your hard work has paid off and your business is so successful, you should be very proud of that, it's a great accomplishment! I unfortunately am still struggling to make my business a success, not sure what I'm doing wrong but I'm determined to keep trying. I also made my husband the same deal so, the kids went off to school and I just found a part-time job. I'm not happy about it but a deal is a deal and we desperately need the money. I have been struggling for almost two years with trying to balance my work with my home life. I'm always busy, if it's not the website, it's cleaning or laundry or bills or shopping, let's face it, when you have a house there's always something that needs to be done. I don't think my husband understands that being a stay-at-home mom is a full time job. He works two jobs, gets up at 3:30 am and doesn't come home until 8:00 pm so when I complain he looks at me like "I'll gladly switch places with you". Like you, I also suffer from "mommy guilt". My mind-set was their twins, they have each other, they can play with their toys or watch TV and I can get things done. I realized what an effect it was having on them when I recently heard my girls say "mom, you never play with us". My daughter Nicole has asked several times to play Barbies with her and I always say "OK, later" and of course later never comes. Kindergarten is a big transition for children and when my daughter Nicole came home the first two days, she would run over to me (as usual I was on the computer) and say "Mom, I just feel like I need you to hold me". I felt so guilty once again that I'm not spending enough time with my kids. I then realized it's a balancing act and now that they are in school I need to make some changes. After I get home from work I have an hour and a half to answer emails, tweek the website (if need be) and straighten up the house. When they come home I need to spend time with them to hear about their day, give them hugs and kisses and establish a routine (snack-time, homework, etc) till dinner. After they go to bed is when I will be able to devote my time to hopefully make my business a success, what else can I do? Well, if nothing else, I hope this email helps by letting you know your not alone in the daily struggles of motherhood and business owner! Good luck to you and all the best!
Regards, Mary Small
CherishedGiftFavors says:
Kara, I can relate to your frustration and share in your "mommy guilt". Way too often I feel like I am being pulled in every direction and as a result feel like I'm doing everything 50% effectively. I always feel like I should have done something more to grow my business, spent more time with my 4 year old son, more time with my husband, my family, the list goes on and on. I truly hate there are way too many times that I have to tell my son "Wait five more minute then I will be finished with my business task" or "I can't play right now because I need to work on my website".
Like the others have said, it is true that people don't understand the concept of having an on line business or working from home. My own sister in law doesn't understand the concept of my e-commerce business even though she has a wedding business. She often asks "Isn't your website done yet”? The fact that I have an e-commerce store that constantly has to be updated with new products, discontinued products, etc., escapes her. It is more accepted if other family members miss a function because they are physically going to their place of employment than if I miss one due to me working on things for my business.
The lack of sleep and strain we put on our bodies can seem overwhelming at times, but the reward of being your own boss to me far out weighs the sacrifice.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Ashley, CherishedGiftFavors.com
ginanet says:
Oh boy I can totally relate! My daughter came to me and said "mommy I drew a picture of you" and when I looked it was a picture of the back of my head at my computer!! My work stuff is all over my dining room table and my computer is in my living room - it's always in my face. If you can manage to find a spare room I'd definately say keep it all where you can shut it down for the day and not have to look at it otherwise it's always there in your face and it's easy to fiddle with things 15 hours a day. I'd also suggest getting up early and getting ready EVERYDAY like you were actually having to be presentable in an office. I have not yet been able to follow this advice myself but when I do I feel so much better . But it's usually a mad rush to get the kids off to school and then get caught up and then pick them up and go to ballet where everyone thinks I don't work because I look like a stay at home mom because my hair is in a cap and I have no make up on! It would be sort of a neat idea if bunch of local stay at home moms pitched in to share an actual office - you could still come and go as needed and you could keep overhead down.
Gina www.motocandy.com
Kara English says:
Hi!
I just want to thank everyone for posting your comments. I can't tell you how good it feels to know I'm not alone in all of this!!
I am sorry I did not include stay-at-home/work-at-home dads, you are right that adds more challenges, but I truly salute you for what you do for your family!
Thank you!!!
KeepingInBalance says:
Kara,
I would like to Thank you for this post! I have struggled with this and have definitely made some progress. Everyone tells you to take care of yourself, take me time, etc but how?! I am personally reforming my ways.
We all need recognition and whether you are working a corporate job and surrounded my stay-at-home moms or running your own business it seems that no one understands. I have been on both sides. And there are so many angles to look from...
Anyway, thank you for bringing this up! Great hearing everyone's responses.
Stephanie KeepingInBalance.com
jenioye says:
Hi Kara, It's inspiring to hear your story. I have an 18 month old and 6 week old twins, and I run an online store in my spare time too. The store is almost a year old and I had been working full time up until the twins arrived, while running the store on the side. I had grand plans to quadruple the store's income in the next 6 months so I don't have to go back and work for someone else, but in just 6 weeks I can see that's not going to be possible, and I've had to readjust my goals.
I think you have to be really smart about how you use those 1 hour blocks of time, and that's the biggest challenge.
Jeni from http://www.OyeModern.com (contemporary jewellery store)
Lizette says:
Oh boy, does this sound all too familiar! I center myself every day through guided meditation and then just tackle one thing after the next every chance I get. Joining a "support" group helps too. I've started Business Savvy Parents (formerly Business Savvy Moms) to get other parents to share and motivate each other as they're starting and growing their business. Every small effort at networking helps!
PetsRight says:
Wonderful article! I can definitely relate!
